What I love, what I hate

Posted by bernicky - September 22nd, 2010

I love that my wife is graced with a great sense of humour.

I love that my children are healthy.

I love that there are programs like Glee, Breaking Bad and Dexter which my wife and I can share.

I hate that things are deteriorating faster than I can reasonably be expected to adapt to dealing with.

I hate that life is out of my control but do realize that is it not in anyone’s control.

I hate cancer.

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18 days since last post

Posted by bernicky - September 20th, 2010

It has been almost three weeks since my last post. Is it that there is nothing to write about? Hardly. It is just that there are only so many hours in a day and the recent restricting of our living arrangements makes getting computer time a little more difficult that it used to be. My wife has been going to her physiotherapy and occupational therapy sessions regularly but they are now at an end. She will be seeing her doctor at the Gingras-Lindsay Rehabilitation Hospital in a few weeks and will likely start physiotherapy there again in the coming months. Of late she wearies easily and does not have as much of a range of movement nor ability to speak as she had a few months ago.

On Thursday this week we have another MRI scheduled at the MNI. There are a few worries at play here. The first and easiest would be that there is something wrong with the dilantin levels which would be easy enough to fix. The second would be that there has been a recurrence that is affecting the motor cortex again. The final would be that there has been some brain necrosis as a result of the WBRT. The second and third each have their own unique set of possible responses but honestly I don’t really want to consider either possibility.  We will just have to wait and see what the MRI shows us and get a blood test for the dilantin levels. If it is something else we will have to come to terms with that then.

On the school front everything seems to be being going alright with both my son and daughter settling into their school year with a minimum of fuss. This is grad year for my son it is something which makes me feel old.

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Where to now?

Posted by bernicky - September 2nd, 2010

I wonder sometimes what is going to happen next. Today my wife saw the doctor for an eye infection and got a prescription for eye drops. It isn’t the little things like an eye infection it is the bigger things like a cancer recurrence that are worrisome. The simple, statistical, fact of the matter is that there is likely to be a recurrence sometime in the next 12 months and I dread that moment.

The truth is that I live in ignorance, hope and oblivion. If sheer belief that things will be o.k. were an influence on reality then things will definitely be o.k. Belief and reality are frequently at odds with each other but in this case I continue to hope that belief will synchronize with reality.